A Virginia cowdoggie is a mythological (make-believe) girl. She is very curvy, has short, dainty legs and arms, big beautiful vacant blue eyes, red hair and a well-built, Reuben-esque body. Reuben (spelled like the sandwich) was an artist in the olden days who liked to paint pictues of cowdoggies. Meet SIS (like your sister or the girl next door ), the princess of Virginia cowdoggies. She's also PHI MU's ("PHI MOO") Best Big SIS here in Charlottesville. SIS is a real blue blood. Her mom was a Scottish Highland cow whose family dates all the way back to the 12th Century. SIS gets her red hair, short legs, gentle nature and strength from her mom. SIS doesn't think much except for "Oh no." She thinks that a lot. SIS guesses, she worries, she gets a little sad sometimes and she can be bossy. Scottish Highland cows are excellent grazers and will eat most anything.
SIS, just like all cowdoggies, loves pigs, especially BABE. They're cute, they're smart, and they're bacon. SIS' favorite foods are bacon-wrapped corn dogs and strawberries with heavy cream. When she can't find corndogs she likes ham and potato chip sandwiches. The princess of cowdoggies loves to go to U.V.A. (University of Virginia) football games and then on to Coupe's (Coupe de Ville's) where she drinks pitchers of beer and WA-M-o-o's all night long. SIS' favorite soldier is that little spitfire from Palestine, West Virginia, Army Pfc. Jessica Lynch, who was rescued out of Iraq on April 1st. SIS is so happy that brave girlfriends like Jessica are willing to go to battle because SIS' S.U.V. is a real guzzler. SIS is really shocked and awed to think that there are girls who will go so far away from their moms and dads. She can't believe it. Where do they put their slut bags? How do they keep their hair and make-up fresh? Where do they take their baths? When do they get to go shopping?
Cowdoggies love cowgirl hats, the color pink, thong underwear, and never go anywhere without their "slut bags:" No kidding, that's what Virginia cowdoggies call their small overnight bags. SIS likes to shop at Mincer's for her every-day t-shirts, Victoria's Secret for her underwear, and Dixie Diva's for her utterly slutty (it's a good thing) party dresses. Dirty Girl is the cowdoggie favorite brand of bath and beauty products for special occasions. The sparkling triple whipped cream is divine; it leaves a layer of glitter on the skin. AU LAIT bath milk and cow soap for every day use and Healthy Hoof™ Protein Cream keeps cowdoggies' hooves healthy and beaufiful.
SIS' favorite country band is the Dixie Chicks, her favorite heavy rock band from deep in the heart of Texas is Dixie Witch (cowdoggies love anything with the word "Dixie" in it because they all come from below the Mason Dixon Line), and when she is in the mood for a little culture (non-dairy) it's the Opera Babes! SIS is just crazy about her hometown boys the Dave Matthews Band. Dave Matthews is the Celine Dion of Charlottesville, and SIS just adores Celine Dion. Music and Discourse is Internet Radio For Cowdoggies. Sometimes when SIS stays out all night she likes to watch her favorite sydicated radio host Mancow on Fox and Friends when she gets home in the morning. He's a mad mancowdoggie! She also likes to listen to Don Imus on WFAN Radio because sometimes her favorite fat cowboy, Fred Imus, is on the show. SIS would like to meet Uncle Charlie the Texas (next to Virginia, Texas is her favorite place because everything in Texas is really BIG) poster artist but he is married and SIS is a bad girl, but not that bad!
Trish Stratus, WWE Girl's Title holder, Babe of the Year, Diva of the Decade, won the hearts of all Virginia cowdoggies as their favorite wrestler when she in a televised skit last Spring was forced to strip in the ring and bark like a dog at the request of WWF co-owner Vince McMahon. Speaking of dogs, SIS's favorite rapper is Snoop-Dogg. SIS also loves Snoop-Dogg because he is the host of "Cowdoggies Gone Wild."
Cowdoggies' favorite boy is Mr. Jefferson and favorite girl is Anna Nicole. SIS dreams of finding a husband just like Anna Nicole's because cowdoggies have very large appetites and very large, uh, you know, too. They need big houses, since they love to breed, and they spend lots of time at the feed lot. Cowdoggies also dream of marrying Mr. Jefferson and living at Monticello.
